Retirement blues

Retirement blues

Written in jest and for fun only sent it to the open page in Hindu they published it with some editorial corrections and a cartoon. You can see the published article in the link below:

http://www.thehindu.com/opinion/open-page/those-retirement-blues/article19481594.ece

Original text is:

Superannuation or retirement is the time when you reach 'golden age' and are given a handshake and warm send off from your workplace. It generally is anytime from age 55+ onwards. It, one may realise soon upon retiring, creates quite a buzz.

First, are messages of congratulations on having served a long career and 'survived'. This is followed by the usual query doesn't your company grant an extension? Or the next aren't you taking a post retired position elsewhere? If those were, you wouldn't declare retirement would you? Lastly you must be reaching out your contacts and 'consulting'? Next best excuse to "working from home". You nod sheepishly and move on. The Indian nod being ambiguous the questioner doesn't understand if the response is yes or no! But most don't care, these were rhetorical anyway.

Then we have the smart reminder. At last you will have time on your own! You can do what you like and always wanted to! Ahoy, don't fall for this. Remember you are retiring only from work. Family and allied responsibilities remain. In fact become increased priority now!

If you still do think you control your own life, you will soon find it is a mirage and realise your folly. This is just to forewarn those on the threshold of retirement. People, especially near and dear ones, take your availability for granted. It is almost like they were waiting for this. Lists appear from nowhere and very soon you are flooded with hordes of chores. As you run errands, you tend to err and are pulled up for it. You are constantly reminded how forgetful you are! Be warned these lists don't end. After sometime it is even expected that you will prompt and ask if there is something to be done.

The flip side is while your availability is assumed, your "being around on weekdays" isn't. This strikes you upon answering the phone. "Is today a holiday? Are you not well? Oh you have retired, really? Didn't realise you are that old..." Then the usual questions discussed previously follow. Even if you don't answer the phone but happen to just speak in the vicinity, be aware from the peripheral pick up the calling party, (oh my! Aren't they all sharp) realise your presence. Now it will be your family responding and explaining this almost embarrassing presence. Remember in golden age the adage, when phone rings speech is silver silence golden.

This is similar when the doorbell rings. Every time you answer to let the maid or a vendor in, they look almost askance at you! What is this chap doing here? Over time they get used to it. But there is a wisp of a smile always.

Vendors and service providers are more than just surprised by your presence. Often they say please call madam. Our laundry chap even queried why the reduction in number of gentleman dresses given for pressing.  It took him some time to get used to this.

Everyone in your immediate circle including relatives have a word for you. Some of them have an amused look as they address this topic. Most ask "how is retired life treating you?" or "how do you spend time?" Smile and shrug, one quickly learns, is the response.

You are bound to get loads of advice. Easy to give than follow! Some of the tips are:

-        Develop a hobby: Bit late one would think. By now your hobbies and habits are in place.

-        Have a schedule: To a bloke hung by the clock from high school, God has given this break. Not any more please.

-        Investment: Especially if the well-meaning person is a financial advisor or a close relative is.

-        Some will be in the pattern of "Do's and don'ts". Very often it will be the latter.

-        The inevitable plan for a holiday comes on board too. This is of course welcome.

But there is a lot to like too. Getting up at your own will, not having any target, watching cricket live, rounding with blokes for a chill, afternoon snooze, being socially active attending weddings, functions and the like. Catching up on reading is a bonus.

Like with most things in life this builds on you and soon you are a veteran retiree!